Ready Oneshot
by sweetiepye2
Summary: Jazmine wants him, she wants to be ready, she wants this. But she'll do anything to let it go. *I'm back! : *


_I haven't been here in Lord knows how long. I can't believe I'm writing again. I miss it. It felt so good writing this story. But anyway, it's a oneshot. No, sorry there won't be any updates for this one. But I am working on a story. :) So read and review. Reviews make me stronger lol. And I hope everyone enjoys this story just as much as I did writing it. Much love people :)_

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Boondocks. I simply take the characters and try to turn them into a beautiful, romantic piece of art :)**

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><p><span>Ready<span>

It takes more than I can give to love a person. I'm so vulnerable to love. It's the prettiest thing to ever cross my eyes. I can't help but become instantly mesmerized; taken out of any situation I'm in. The typical person would accept love as it comes, and sadly say goodbye as it leaves. But I, Jazmine Dubois, the curly haired, green eyed, big smiled girl, would greet love at the door and won't let go. I'll suffocate everything out of it, making sure that it gave me everything I deserved. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; every person deserves the best they can get out of love. But every person needs to know when to let go. And I knew when to let go; I just didn't know how.

He was so insensitive and uncaring sometimes. He always told me the truth, unclean and uncut. Even if I didn't want to hear it. He would gaze into my eyes and I swore I couldn't see one ounce of passion. But on April 17th, he told me he loved me. Or, that he _loves_ me. I remember freezing up, my brain pulsating. I was shocked. Not because I didn't feel the same way. I mean, I did. But I wasn't ready. And I hated not being ready. From tests to surprises to life. I hated it. And when he told me he loved me, I lashed out. Not at him, but more at myself. It just didn't come out that way.

I cried myself to sleep for three nights after. I couldn't make myself walk up and apologize. I couldn't even bring myself to say 'I love you' back. It was too hard, because it wasn't in the plan. The plan was for me to be in love with him forever, and for him to never love me back. And as we got older, he would continue to be sad and miserable (or so I'd like to think he would end up) and I would go on with my flower filled life, meeting someone who loved me unconditionally. And then I would marry this unconditional guy, forgetting about the one who never came to realization. And I would be okay with it. _That's_ what I prepared myself for. Not being told by the person who was supposed to leave and never turn back that he loves me.

I sat alone in my room, in complete darkness, waiting for the sun to rise yet wanting to be engulfed in depression. Another day meant another lie. Another excuse to avoid him. I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth. Not that I didn't love him. That he wasn't supposed to love _me._ But how could I say that? This is what I wanted, what I had been waiting for. And it arrived, yet so unannounced. I was a nervous wreck. Crying and switching emotions like a television. But I told myself that I would tell him today. Tell him the reason why he can't love me. Why we can't be together. It's not the plan. It's not in the agenda. And it's not what I'm ready for.

As I began to get dressed, the thoughts in my head began to change. I was giving myself mixed signals; signals of he won't want you to he'll run to you for this. I was entrapped in my own thoughts. And I couldn't separate reality from reaction. Reality was that it was going to be hard to see him, tell him the truth, and hope that he would be okay. Reaction wanted me to tell a beautiful lie; something that would sound sweet to the ears yet bitter to the heart. I didn't know which one to pick. I just wanted it to end, and for him to wrap his arms around me and never let go. I wanted him to _love_ me. Just on _my _terms.

As I walked through the doors of Jason Wessler High School, my heart began to beat out of my chest. It felt like a million pins were stabbing me in the sides, telling me to turn back and run and hide. To just let this situation separate our lives, and carve a new chapter. But I couldn't, because this chapter wasn't finished.

He walked down the hall, his wine-colored eyes, and big, filled afro heading in my direction. My nerves began screaming at me, like a train wreck. The noise was unbearable, and I literally grabbed my ears with both hands, and began to squint my eyes shut. I couldn't breathe. My body was tightening and my brain was about to explode. I remembered flashing pictures of faces, voices of laughter, and then a scream. One too familiar. My own. I was screaming so loud that people began coming out of classrooms, running down the hallway. Everything around me froze. And my voice became trapped. It was suffocating me. Love was drowning me, and causing me to lose my inner voice. My thoughts became so engraved with him that I couldn't think straight. I was dying. I was becoming unstable.

Throwing the covers to the side and grabbing my throat, I closed my eyes and cried. The fourth time this week. The tears came pouring out, the sun came rising up through my window, illuminating my room, and as I opened my eyes, I realized love lives here no more. The truth I was trying to give was gone. It was over. I didn't need it. To live in loneliness would forever be my bliss.

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><p>:)<p> 


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